Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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