I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
