life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize