Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize