So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
