The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize