U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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