can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet he comes in French.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
