Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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