You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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