Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
