Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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