Say something about gay babies.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".