So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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