It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.