Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
