it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
