If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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