literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
