Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.