just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly