You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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