I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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