This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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