I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
