do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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