the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
