last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize