they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
