my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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