Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
