Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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