Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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