so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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