Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
