You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
