Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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