i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
