Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
soo... how was my night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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