He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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