Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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