Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
