thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
