I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
