I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
