If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
