were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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