hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
