no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
