My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
