Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
