i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
