Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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