It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
