textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just tell him i said nine months
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
