fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
