Where is the hickey?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
