I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
