whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I came so hard my ears popped.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
