Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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