Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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