that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
