is your mom at the bar?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
