There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
