the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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