yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
